Patience and Peace

Thanksgiving in Edmond, 2018

I eat too fast. When I sit down at a meal with friends or family I'm nearly always the first to finish. When I eat by myself it's even worse. Once the food is in front of me it becomes my sole focus. If it's really good food I'm not distracted by conversation or manners, I just keep chewing. I know this about myself, but have only recently been concerned about it. Maybe everyone else at the table is slowing down, or maybe I've speeded up so much that even I notice it. It's a habit I'd like to break.

I'm tempted to explain the behavior by my upbringing in a large family where competition for pork chops was fierce, but that's not accurate. Yes, there were seven kids in my family, but our ages range over 25 years which means we didn't all grow up together, much less eat supper together. There wasn't that much competition for the pork chops. I could probably make some excuse about not knowing any better, not knowing that shoveling down your food was impolite, but you'd think that would be more common sense than training. The truth of it is I'm just impatient.

Recently I've made a new friend. He eats slowly, or maybe he just eats more than everyone else, but in either case he's the last person to finish a shared meal. I have older friends that get accused of eating too slowly, too. Being the last person done with a meal seems to be much more noticeable than being the first one. It's hard for me to be critical of slow eaters because maybe they're not slow, maybe I'm just too fast. I usually defend them, telling others to back off and let them finish in peace, without rushing. Secretly, I'm wishing I had tarried a bit longer over my meal. Savoring seems more mature, and more enjoyable, than scarfing, but old habits die hard.

As a kid I always felt meals were an interruption, so I hurried through them to get back to what I was doing, or to get on to the next thing, such as dessert! Part of it may have been that family meals were almost always a minefield, never knowing what comment or information would trigger a lecture or worse. Part of it may have been the utilitarian nature of meals. They weren't so much an event or opportunity as a chore, something that needed to get done, something to check off the to-do list. Cook the meal. Eat the meal. Clean up after the meal. The tasks had priority over the meal itself. Whatever the case, I eat too fast, and wish I didn't.

Thinking about it now, the fast eating, or rather the impatience behind it seems to be a factor in everything I do. There's a reason I'm not a watchmaker or winemaker. I don't do well on projects that take a long time to come to fruition, or that have tedious tasks that shouldn't be glossed over. In Mr. Mackey's 9th grade shop class, despite being good with the designing of projects and handling of tools, I invariably made a 'B' on my wood working projects. At least I was consistent. They were all marked down because I didn't do enough sanding; I always rushed through the final finishing bits.

It's evident in other ways, too. I'm planning on buying a new car in about 6 months so, of course, I've already begun researching and online shopping. I know if I walked into a dealership today I'd probably drive out with a new car. I'm not entirely sure that's a bad thing, since I can often be paralyzed into inaction by the research phase, but I'm not kidding myself. I know it's just the kid in me wanting the toy now, not later.

Too often I approach life, work, relationships, and even grief with this sort of logical process approach. I've done this bit, now what's the next one? And what's after that? And when do we get to the good part at the end of the process, when are we finished? When do we get our grade, our satisfaction, our dessert?

MDPC, Houston - 2nd Sunday of Advent 2018

Today, in the Revised Common Lectionary, is the second Sunday of Advent. The scripture reading was Luke 3:1-6 in which we learn that John the Baptist came to 'make the rough ways smooth' for the coming Lord. It is also the Advent Sunday when we talk about and proclaim the Peace of Christ. I can tell you from personal experience that impatience is no way to find peace, and it does nothing to smooth out the path for you or anyone else. I worry that my restlessness, my need to be "finished," my inability or unwillingness to wait, has made other people's paths rough and crooked, instead of smooth and straight. Some things, however, you can't take back, you can only repent, a primary message of John the Baptist, and try to do better in the future.

This advent season I hope to learn to savor and wait for the hope and the joy, instead of jumping straight to the Herald Angels. I need to take my time and appreciate the peace in the waiting, knowing that the joy is coming, and with the hope that I'll have the opportunity to share all of it gratefully with others. Someday. May the Peace of Christ be with you.